Interpersonal Psychology: How to Effectively Nullify Getting Rejected

  

Interpersonal Psychology: How to Effectively Nullify Getting Rejected

 

How I came Across this Lesson

I read the Bible not only for spiritual relief from the stresses and cares of my daily life but also for practical reasons, for everyday understanding and meditation, much of which has nothing to do at all with religion.

Regarding dealing with rejection, we all get rejected by at least someone, sometimes politely, and at other times, rudely. Some people will reject our approaches to them for a whole variety of reasons and will do so in a gracious, polite manner. Others will enjoy rubbing our noses in rejection but that’s on them.

Psychology of Some People who Enjoy Rejecting Others

Some folks still protest having come into the world without their prior consent to live a life that they didn’t sign up for. And these are taking revenge against everybody for having been born. And so, they’re spreading around their inner hell.  

There is a category of neurosis based on a sick source that Psychologist Karen Horney labeled Vindictive Triumph. You can read about it in her book titled Our Inner Conflicts. 

As to the original wound that twisted the emotions of the victim who became the vindictive neurotic personality, Karen Horney wrote that this person received some sort of emotional wound, likely a cruel rejection from some other person, and had been a sensitive person who was not prepared to deal with that wound.  And she added that the aftermath of that wounding was severe enough, painful enough to mess with that sensitive person’s head to the point that the neurosis developed.

The neurotic personality who was twisted so ruthlessly now had likely been subjected to some sort of mistreatment earlier on that had not so badly shaken that victim as did this wound.

This wound was likely the last straw that finally broke the camel’s back and made possible the neurosis to twist the sensitive person into a neurotic person seeking triumphs in life that would be achieved as acts of vengeance wrought against all others. 

This is Zero Sum theory on steroids.  For this neurotic person to win in life, everyone else must suffer at his or her hand.  He or she, this neurotic, must take away something from others to gain any life satisfaction, even if the satisfaction is nothing more than an ego trip.

How this Psychology May Apply to You too

So pretty much, you can accurately assume that if someone mistreats you and gets some morbid satisfaction from lowering your self-esteem or making you feel uncomfortable with yourself in their presence, even if you meant no harm to any, that this person has some sort of personality disorder or a mental or emotional disorder of that type, the neurosis based on the need to derive some sort of vindictive triumph not against you specifically but rather, their resentment against the mass of humanity, especially those who love life and other people. 

I myself was One of the Bad Guys and How I Got out of that Life

 

In my younger years, I was one of these. I resented those who loved life and loved others. I sought help because I knew that my life was going to be just one shot at life and the wasted years would not be given back to me. I sought professional help and got it.  I also wanted what Christians had, joy.

So I became a Christian myself, repented for my resentments, and was spiritually brought to life.  My life has improved. It wasn’t made perfect but I am a lot happier now than when I was younger. I don’t reject myself but love myself a lot. No, I’m not a narcissist but I do love myself and accept myself completely.

 

How "Vindictive Triumph" Neurotic People Use Rejection as Revenge against Humanity for their own earlier Emotional Wounds

 

What does this have to do with the rejections you get from others, especially those who enjoy rejecting others? 

Here's a clue:  Wounded people hurt people because deep in their hearts the rejection that they got from someone else in the past is an injury that they feel that all people should have to bear. If they are not happy, no one else should be either.

And if the wound that made them wounded people is a rejection, they will take it upon themselves to spread their inner emotional hell out there with the mass of humanity.

Now that you know why this happened to you, that you got rejected by someone who was already wounded by a rejection of their own and spreads it out to you, who forcibly shares their inner hell with you or anyone unfortunate enough to get in their way, I am providing you with the means to reject the rejections, all the rejections that wounded people would forcibly share with you.

The Bible, the New Testament, I’m reading the Book of Matthew now, for the third time. I read the whole Bible twice already and I am reading it now for the third time.

And no matter how often I read it, I always come across some verse that teaches me something about the psychology of life that I somehow missed the first two times I read the same passage.

How I was Delivered from Being at the Mercy of those Neurotics who Reject Others out of Vindictive Triumph Pleasure

 

This morning I read Chapter 10 from the book of Matthew.  And this verse made a huge impact on me. It taught me to forever stop fearing rejection from other people.

 

It is based on instructions that Jesus Christ gave to his apostles before sending them out on their Great Commission before he assigned the Great Commission to other believers upon ascending to Heaven.

 

¹² And when ye come into a house, salute it.

¹³ And if the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it: but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you.

¹⁴ And whosoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when ye depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet.

^{KJV Bible, Chapter 10: 12-14}

That’s it.  He said to his Apostles that when they enter some city or someone’s house, and if the people who run the city, or the owners of the house refuse to receive the Apostles, refuse to give them a chance for any reason at all, to be heard, that the Apostles bearing this rejection - leave and shake off the rejection as if it were dust that got on their feet while they were interacting with the folks who rejected them.

 

That lit my lightbulb. It was the eureka moment, a breakthrough.  Getting rejected by someone else was as unpleasant an experience for any of these apostles as it would be for any one of us. What we feel as human beings upon getting rejected would have stung any of Jesus’s Twelve Apostles.

They were as human as any of us.  And Jesus told them to simply shake off the dust from their feet regardless of how painful that rejection would have been upon receiving it.  This is God Himself teaching people how to respond to someone else’s rejection of them.

How You too can Benefit from the Power of this Instruction from Jesus Christ to His Apostles

In effect, Jesus Christ is saying that in the big scheme of things, a rejection is only a mite of dust that someone got on your feet and that the only effective way to get over it is by treating the rejection as what Jesus Christ defines it: a particle of dust that got on your feet. Shake it off and continue walking off.

So what should be your approach in response to getting rejected by someone?

If I’m using a prescriptive verse that I read in the Bible, because that’s what Jesus Christ taught his disciples, his apostles, to apply as a remedy to their getting not received or heard, then I would say, if that prescription works well enough for Jesus to have prescribed in Biblical times, back then, then it follows that such prescription is useful enough for anyone else today to apply as a remedy in response to someone’s rejection of us, for any reason at all.

 

Shake off, wipe away the rejection from your ears just as you would shake off, or wipe away the dust that got on your feet while you were in the process of interacting with the person who rejected you.

 

How You Should Use that Biblical Instruction in Order to Disempower Rejections from Those Who would Reject You   

 

Key: ReFrame the Significance of that Rejection Down to the Insignificance of that Rejection

 

When you do that, you’re treating the importance of that rejection as nothing more significant than just a speck of dust that got on your feet earlier on.  What about earlier rejections that stung you?  That depends on whether you were aware of what Jesus said when those happened to you. 

 

Call to You to Act on All Rejections that You Received

 

 

If you weren’t as aware of their insignificance then as you are now, you have a whole lot of dust to wipe away, don’t you now? Get cracking on wiping away all that dust away from your ears as though it were dust still on your feet.

By Roberto E. Fiad

 

Antique Collectible item: digital painting simulating watercolor painting of an antique typewriter

 

Automobiles, Art, Vintage Cars: Frontal View of Blue Vintage Car

 

 

 It's important to have fun, do stuff you love. I love doing this.

Ethics: Cautionary Logic against Falsely Accusing Someone of Wronging You

  Okay, l have a scenario that I want you to consider:

 

I am a man with a frozen shoulder disability that has had to receive some physical therapy for a few weeks about a decade and a half ago. One of the therapists there recommended I consider getting myself a shoulder replacement.

 

I declined for numerous reasons, mainly because I was not a sporty type of person. 

 

Let us also consider that during that same period I was dating a certain woman, a fellow student at some university where I was taking some courses. Let us say that I had intimate relations with her, let us consider that we had a falling out, that the relationship could not survive our differences.

 

Let us say, then a few days later, that I received a visitor, a police officer appeared with an arrest warrant in which I was an alleged rapist with this woman. Let us say that I was also taken in, processed, and arraigned. I posted bail and was released in my own custody.

 

Let us say that I went to see an assistant public defender and that I took with me to that public defender numerous documents from the physical therapy center, and documents from my insurance company showing payments to the physical therapy billing office.

 

Let us say that the most revealing of all the documents I took with me to the lawyer was the record showing a recommendation from the therapist that she had recommended to me a total shoulder replacement on account of my natural shoulder being almost useless.

 

You may be asking what connection there could be linking my physical therapy to my right shoulder with the criminal rape case against me, a false accusation from a woman who accuse me of raping her after my relationship with her has failed to progress?

 

Now, let's say I am in the presence of my public defender lawyer in the first session. I have with me a batch of documents demonstrating that my ability to raise my right arm is very limited due to my right shoulder being frozen. What does that prove?

 

If my ability to raise my right arm is very limited, then how can I possibly overwhelm a healthy woman who is physically resisting my ability to rape her?

 

It is logically imperative that for me to physically overwhelm the woman I am seeking to rape, If my body suffers some disability to my limbs so that my right arm is limited in its range of motion, and I am right-handed, my ability to overwhelm her will be nonexistent, unless I have a firearm pointed at her, and I do not know how to handle a gun.

 

Therefore, how will she prove that I was able to rape her, especially when I am one of the few people on this earth who is well able to prove that I am physically incapable of overpowering a woman, even if I wanted to? 

 

In summary, in my providing my assistant public defender with this evidence of my disability, I will have done about 75% or more of my role in assisting my defense in defeating the rape accusation.

 

Let us consider that because I am generally healthy, despite my physical real impediment to my right shoulder and arm, this woman accusing me of having raped her had assumed that I was physically capable of having overpowered her and so she assumed that her accusation against me of having raped her was plausible.

 

Now, I did state that I had had sexual relations with her, so why did she who knew or had some idea of my limited physical powers still accuse me of raping her?

 

Let us say that I insisted that she get on top of me and that she forgot or had not noticed the surgical scar on my right shoulder when we had been together. And so, she still thought that a rape accusation against me would hold up in court.

 

In a case, I had not mentioned anything of my right shoulder being frozen and she was not even serious in wondering whether or not I was able-bodied enough to overpower her physically, to then successfully rape her.

 

Now, armed with all this information, my assistant public defender sends interoffice communications to the state attorney in response to their rape charges against me.

 

What follows is a disaster for the accuser! The state attorney's office summarily dismisses all charges against me, along with a big apology letter to me and to the defender's office. The accuser in turn is then charged with perjury and with filing a false police report. The University where I had been studying then expels this woman immediately, and they then make the tuition-free of charge for me.

 

Furthermore, I then proceed to go to a civil litigation attorney and sue the woman for defamation of character against me. She pleads no contest in court.

 

Consider the consequences and the fallout that this accuser would have had to confront had this case been real. Imagine the sort of cautionary tale that this imaginary little story would constitute in real life.

 Let me ask, what does this sort of wrongdoing, this falsely accusing innocent people of raping them say about the women who make these false accusations?

 _{“But whatever [word] comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and this is what defiles and dishonors the man. 19 For out of the heart come evil thoughts and plans, murders, adulteries, sexual immoralities, thefts, false testimonies, slanders (verbal abuse, irreverent speech, blaspheming). 20 These are the things which defile and dishonor the man, but eating with [ceremonially] unwashed hands does not defile the man}.” ¹

 

 This imaginary scenario is somewhat reminiscent of the fallout that Amber Heard now confronts as a consequence of the verdict, resulting from the defamation lawsuit in the trial against her by her former husband, Johnny Depp.

 

Such a scenario as this one, as well as the Amber Heard case, is just dessert for a number of false witnessing by numerous women who seek easy advantage against men, whom they accuse falsely of having raped them.

 

What is all the above converge into?

 

I have a suggestion. Don't accuse people falsely.

 

Is there a possible precedent to sustain my suggestion to people that they do not falsely accuse others of some wrongdoing? I say there is.

 

If you look up the 10 Commandments in the Bible's book of Exodus, I believe, the 10th one is "Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor."  If such a commandment exists in the form of a godly law, does it not follow that a false accusation will reap the accuser some grave misfortune later on?

 

_{“Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.”} ² 

 

 

_{“A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he that speaketh lies shall not escape”.} ³

 

 

If you go into the book of Proverbs in the Old Testament of the Bible, you will very certainly come across some verses, spelling out about six things that God hates. One of those six things that God hates is a lying tongue.

 

Notice that it says that God actually hates these six things and that He does not merely disapprove of them. Isn't it logical that engaging in or giving oneself over to one of these six things is something that you would want to avoid at all costs?  God Almighty is certainly someone I do not want to have as an adversary. 

 

^{“See six things doth the Lord hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:}

^{A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,}

^{A heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,}

^{A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.}

 ^{My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:}

 ^{Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck.}

^{When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee.}

^{For the commandment is a lamp, and the law is light, and reproofs of instruction are the way of life.”  4}

 

That I will be tempted to consider one of them if circumstances were dire enough - of course, I would. But then, major prohibitions apply the most when someone is tempted to do the wrong thing when one's feet are held to the fire. Closely.

 

You do not need to heed a major prohibition when there's no pressure nor temptation to do that which God actually hates.

 

It is when one is most under the gun to go do the wrong thing - when one most desperately must hold on to such prohibitions, especially when God hates what you're tempted to do.

 

At some time in the past, Amber Heard must have rationalized having written an opinion editorial accusing her ex-husband, Johnny Depp, of having done her wrong to such an extent that he suffered numerous afflictions unjustly.

 

 Many were those who presumed on the eve of the trial, she would get away with it, with her false allegations against him. However, she had much time to reverse herself before this trial resulted in such a rout that now she confronts an ominous future, and Amber Heard has a name that is tarnished, the direct opposite of what the book of Proverbs says what having a good name, about the good things that a good name has in store for its owner.

 

So, why did she do it?  Why have other women falsely accused men of raping them?

 

For a valid answer, I researched the topic of false rape accusations in the Wikipedia Encyclopedia. The material I found there was quite voluminous. Right below, there is a rundown of several reasons why this happens.

 

“An accuser may have several motivations to falsely claim they have been raped. There is disagreement on how many different categories these may be put into. Kanin (1994) put them in three:

·       revenge  

·       producing an alibi

·       or to get sympathy/attention.  

 

Author Sandra Newman listed four categories in 2017.^[10] 

 

According to De Zutter et al. (2017), Kanin's division is inadequate and one should recognize eight distinct categories in total:^[9]

·         Material gain: to receive money, professional promotion, or other material benefits.

·         Producing an alibi: a false allegation is used to cover up other behavior, such as being late to or absent from an appointment.

·         Revenge: to retaliate against a disliked person by damaging the reputation, freedom or finances.

·         Attention: an attempt to receive any kind of attention, positive or negative, by anyone.

·         Sympathy: a special kind of attention-seeking whereby the complainant tries to improve a personal relationship with a specific individual.

·         'A disturbed mental state'; this may include false memories ("sexual hallucinations") or pathologic lying.

·         Relabeling: consensual sex is relabeled as 'rape' to the police, because of its 'disappointing or shameful character'. De Zutter et al. argue that a distinction should be made between some acts during a consensual sexual encounter that a participant did not want or had no desire to engage in but nonetheless gave consent to (e.g., to please their partner) on the one hand, and rape (non-consensual sex) on the other, but that many lay people and even some scholars do not make this distinction and confuse the two. It is often when accounts of such 'unwanted consensual sex' are told to friends and family that the latter interpret it as rape, and put the complainant under pressure to file an allegation.

·         Regret: after having had consensual sex, a complainant experiences negative feelings such as disgust, shame, and sorrow; when others notice this and ask about the source of these negative feelings, they are prone to view the encounter as rape and put the complainant under pressure to file an allegation.” ⁵

 

 What is my take on this?  Well, I’m addressing Amber Heard by name, but just the same, I can apply this question to other women as well who have done and continue to do this.

 

Ms. Amber Heard, I ask you, was it worth it to accuse Johnny Depp of these things that you know we're not true where you made those accusations? Look at a price you're paying in terms of, not just the financial ramifications, but of having such a tarnished and sordid reputation that will live longer than your physical life.

 

Your name will be associated with the word "liar," false accuser, bearer of false witness against someone else, owner and user of the lying tongue that God actually hates so much that He allowed His own Son, Jesus Christ, to suffer torture and death that he never deserved in full payment, for that sin, a chief one, among all other sins.

 

   _{“A good reputation is more valuable than costly perfume.
 And the day you die is better than the day you are born.}”  ₆

 

 

 Notes

_{1     "Matthew 15:18-20Amplified Bible". (2022). Retrieved 6 June 2022, from}   ^{https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+15%3A18-20&version=AMP.}

2        _{Exodus 20:16}

 

_{3   "Proverbs 19:5King James Version". 2022. www.Biblegateway.com.}       

_{https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%2019%3A5&version=KJV}

 

_{4                "Proverbs 6:16-23King James Version". 2022. www.Biblegateway.com. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs%206%3A16-23&version=KJV.}

 

_{5                "False accusation of rape". 2022. En.Wikipedia.Org. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_accusation_of_rape.}

 

_{6                "Ecclesiastes 7:1-14New Living Translation". 2022. Www.Biblegateway.Com. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes%207%3A1-14&version=NLT.}

FREEDOM: The Fiad version of a Declaration of Independence

 

Hey Dude!  

If you want to be free in your life - then take your mind out of that fucking cage that society put it in when you were a kid. 

And if you have to, be willing to be a motherfucker in other peoples' eyes to make it happen. This is your life and your freedom that we're discussing here. 

You ain't gonna get any second chances to get it right. This is it, the real-time.  That's my take on all this.